At the time fo writing no one has posted a comment in relation to my previous blog post about subtle bullying. And yet, in recent weeks quite a few people have agreed with me about the significance of subtle bullying when I have raised it with them (for example on training courses I have been running). Do we have a culture of silence around bullying? Is it too painful or threatening a subject to be discussed or is it just that nobody has got anyting to say about the matter?

From time to time people talk to me about problems they are having in their workplace. Sometimes what they talk to me about is bullying, pure and simple, and they realise this and talk about it in openly these terms. However, it is often the case (and this has happened to me a couple of times recently) that people talk to me about their problems but they have not thought about them as being the result of bullying. This is because the bullying has been very subtle, and so the person on the receiving end does not necesssarily identify the behaviour as bullying - they just feel unhappy about how things are going and struggle to put their finger on why that is.

I have now recognised a pattern to how things go when I talk in terms of subtle bullying. The first reaction is disbelief ('No, I'm not being bullied - I would know it if I were'), but after I explain further what I mean by subtle bullying, doubt starts to creep in. I explain that bullying is about the abuse or misuse of power and that some people do this very carefully and skilfully. It amounts to manipulating people inappropriately into giving the bully their own way. Bullying isn't just about threats and openly aggressive behaviour. That is only one type of bullying. There is a more insisdious bullying that comes from, for example, constant undermining of someone's self-esteem; using emotional pressure to get their own way; and similar tactics. Once we explore together these subtleties we then reach the third stage of the process: from, 'No, I'm not being bullied' through 'I'm not sure any more' to 'You know what, you are right, I am being bullied. They are using illegitimate means to get me to do what they want (for example to stop raising concerns about pressures of work) and they are walking all over my dignity in the process'. Subtle bullying is still bullying and should therefore have no place in the modern workplace.